So This is Christmas
And what have you done?
Thanksgiving morning I woke up, came downstairs, and started Alexa up on some Christmas music. I’m always struggling to figure out exactly what I want to hear and I give her impossible challenges on the off-chance she has AI-learned more and has become capable of anticipating me. So my requests sound something like,“Alexa, play old-timey Christmas music.”or
“Alexa, play chill-but-still-cool Christmas music.” (If you just ask for “chill” she’ll say “Ok, here’s Relaxing Christmas” and that = Kenny G & Kenny Loggins who should totally go on tour together—a concert i will never attend).
“Alexa, play Christmas music I like.”
Often we’ll come to an agreement on “Holiday Classics” and, though it isn’t exactly what I was looking for, it’s acceptable for now.
I guess I like the classics because it’s max nostalgia. I also find it important to be able to identify the singers and Christmastime is a masterclass Julian never signed up for. I offer up tips and tricks I use to help me identify who’s singing.”Who is this? He sounds like he’s about to cry.” ”It’s Andy Williams, and that’s because he probably is! Listen to that emotion! Listen to how he soars! As if to always be singing from a precipice above us, like he’s on a cloud halfway to heaven, crying goodbye to us all.”
or
“Now, the guy who’s got that classic voice that doesn’t stand out much, kind of nice, generic old-timey? Can’t quite place him? It’s Dean Martin. Always Dean Martin.”
or
“This one that sounds like the very first test-recording, deep in the heartland of Appalachia? Burl Ives. Always sounds like somebody’s uncle.”
What! Look at this image I just found!
Exactly how I imagined!
Obviously this masterclass includes women like Lena Horne, Rosemary Clooney, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday. I love jazzy Christmas. Note to self: add “jazzy Christmas” to my list of Alexa demands. Ella is probably my favorite of that list, in case you were wondering.
Of course, singers like Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby require no identifiers as they are immediately recognizable.
Bing Crosby = I’m having a 1950’s Christmas and hope I get a Mr Potato Head or an erector set.
Frank Sinatra = I’m having a New York Christmas and I am super glam, dressed in a sparkly tuxedo.
And then Nat King Cole comes on to remind us what really matters as we all stop what we’re doing, get a faraway look, and give a deep, contemplative sigh, having a sudden urge to string up some popcorn and hand-croquet all our gifts.
On this Thanksgiving morning mixed bag of “Holiday Classics” Christmas music, Celine Dion came on. I like Celine Dion in the way that I feel like I ought to like Celine Dion. As a child-teen of the 90’s, I am required. But she can get a little… what? Tangy. Twangy. I don’t understand why she never went country. She obviously wants to. Maybe she’s country for a Canadian or something.
The song she sang was John Lennon’s Happy Xmas-War is Over or So This is Christmas, and the first line is such a bummer right out of the gate, it makes me laugh. Listen to this song if you want to immediately feel bad about yourself in a festive way.
So this is Christmas and what have you done?
As you look back on the year you’ve just had, what have you even done that means anything? Just something to think about.
I expressed this to Sean who had come down and he gave me this bit of advice:
“Remember, all John Lennon songs should be heard within the context of watching his mother get run over by a bus and die.”
“What?? That happened? Arrghh that sucks!”
“Yeah. So it’s not his fault. He comes from tragedy. Meanwhile Paul MCartney songs are happy and blissful, the products of a well-balanced man who’s at peace with the world.”
As I mulled that over, not inclined to listen to more Christmas songs by any Beatles, Sean then said this to me and I feel it an appropriate ending to this story and a really great way to kick off the Thanksgiving holiday:
“I had a dream I fought a dragon that was made out of apple pie. I was like, ‘I’ll gouge its filling out!’”
Yeah, I will never stop laughing at your perfect explanation of the John Lennon song. I've always felt it in my heart, but I never actually thought enough about why that song is kind of awful. You nailed it. I read that part of this post to Craig and now we keep hearing it and saying, "Well that's a bummer right out of the gate..."
Also, did NOT know that about his mom and now I feel kind of bad for never liking John as much as I love Paul.... But it doesn't actually change my feelings about them, either...
The Celine Dion Christmas album was a totally on repeat for much of my youth. Dying over the bummer lyrics that I never once even thought about but still know by heart. 😂