How I Do Disney
DAY ONE- figuring it out.
I wake up and set my mind to Disney mode. Getting dead serious about having fun today.
I get the genie pass because the long lines are quite long. Plus I enjoy the orchestration, like I’m pulling off some complicated high stakes heist with absolutely zero risks. I enjoy this kind of dichotomy. Taking stupid things seriously and serious things…stupidly(?)
I’m not generally a huge planner in life but when it comes to Disneyland, I am all over it. It only allows you to schedule in a couple of rides at a time. Depending on the day/time/ride, you may arrive at 8am and get to schedule the ride for 2pm. And then you have to wait until a certain time to be eligible to schedule the next ride at which point I immediately attack the app for the next ride. Clocking things in-between is also fun for me.
“If we do Haunted Mansion now and then spend time in Galaxy’s Edge, that should get us to ____ around ____o’clock and that’ll give us just enough time for a quick Alice in Wonderland on the way to _____…”
DAY TWO—mastery.
We’re pros now. I pull up the app and make the plans. Julian, having gotten his feet wet, would rather die than go on the “kid” rides, so he bails and embarks on the park alone for a time while Sean and I do Peter Pan and Snow White. I’m a little jealous, for I could totally do Disneyland solo. I add this on my list of stops when I’m old and nomadic.
We book our favorite rides right away. I avoid the screen rides. They make my brain die. I try SO hard to do them. To look where I’m supposed to look so I might track and follow correctly in attempt to fool my brain into thinking this is real. No dice. It knows. And it revolts. NOT REAL— *puke*. I don’t actually puke but i become incredibly dizzy. My limit on screen rides with eyes is about 15 seconds and then I’m toast. Then I keep my eyes shut for the remainder of the ride, silently pray for it to end soon, then say, “ohh that was so great,” and never do it again.
But lines really can’t be avoided. I lean in. I use it as an excuse to stare at people in close range, enjoying that unspoken rule of “we don’t actually engage with the people with whom we stand in line.” The invisible barrier comes up and I put on sunglasses and stare to my heart’s content. Sometimes we play wait-in-line games. Sean and I are good at this.
I schedule in rest times which gladly does not require the app. I sit. I sit on benches and watch people. I could do this all day every day. It’s my favorite thing. I brought my kindle one day. Silly. People-watching at Disney is its own ride and a wild one at that. Jen’s Wild Ride Staring at People. No lines here. It’s the best.
We ride Rise of the Resistance and the grandness, the immersiveness is just staggering. I repeat the phrase “spared no expense” often. It’s like, to any wild idea anyone had, they said “make it so.” Crazy ideas in the name of fun are not often actualized, dare I say. Except for here. No limits on this one. You have to pay extra for the genie pass or wait a long time. Worth everything. I spend the rest of the day thinking about it.
DAY THREE: I live here now.
I sit in my favorite ‘lands and just exist. Adventureland. Frontierland. It’s all so nostalgic. Also Fantasyland. Can’t beat the classic Disney. I take the time to soak it all in. I find favorite benches in hidden spots. I look at the details. I observe other visitors and gauge what phase they’re in on their Disney journey.
For example, I’m sitting in Galaxy’s Edge—honestly a true wonder— while boys ride Smuggler’s Run and I watch people enter it for the first time. I look at their faces. Some are shocked, some cry a little. Some walk over to touch the walls. Everyone stares in wonder, aghast at the Millennium Falcon, trying to take it in, questioning the illusion, second-guessing everything. This is joy. This is magic. I find a bench facing the Falcon and, listening to all the sounds, live there for a bit.
You know you’re old at Disney when you marvel at the trees and flowers just as much as anything. “Oh ok, so orchids are just growing in the dirt?? In rows? Is this even real? What is going on here.” The landscaping is utterly stunning.
I use the genie to pre-schedule Dole Whips, the only way you can order them. Sometimes hours in advance. “We’re probably going to want another one at 8:30 tonight, right?”
We clink our churros together and give a toast of “churs!”
We cheat the system a little. Oops, we only scanned our genie pass one time? Hurrying off the Thunder Mountain Railroad and circling back again, lamely trying to disguise ourselves by turning around hats or zipping up jackets.
We start analyzing why rides are so good. The planning, the engineering, the storytelling. The details, the placement of all the details and moments specifically designed with your joy in mind. Just as you’re feeling one way, they change it up so you feel like you really did something extraordinary. And pausing just enough to never let you sit too long in a place, never letting the magic settle.
Favorite Rides
JEN
1. Indiana Jones. What a thrill.
2. Matterhorn. It’s exciting. Sometimes I get a little hurt. It feels like you’re riding through one of your nightmares but in a fun way. Also I love the Swiss vibes and alpenhorn music.
3. Thunder Mountain Railroad, the perfectly choreographed rollercoaster.
4. Haunted Mansion. I always bemoan my inability to make a haunted house like this in my own home. I have very unfulfilled halloween dreams. We get so good at Haunted Mansion we start memorizing the dialogue which is almost the best part of the ride. Sean returns the scream with one of his own which spurs on everyone else. We shuffle around finding the hidden wall that opens up as a doorway so we’re the first ones to walk down the hall. I raise my arms in the air and spin around as if I live here, because I do.
SEAN
(Jen’s guess: Teacups and Alice in Wonderland)
“My favorite rides are the trippy immersive ones: Alice in wonderland, Peter Pan, Small World, Haunted Mansion, Mr Toad. It’s a nice benefit that there are fun rides in there too: Matterhorn and Thunder Mountain. Rise of the Resistance is the greatest entertainment experience ever devised by humankind. And the teacup ride is in a separate category of its own. It is a serene ecstatic party with strangers. Bliss in the moonlight.”
JULIAN
(Jen’s guess: Matterhorn and Indiana Jones)
“My favorite rides at Disney are probably Matterhorn, Indiana Jones, and maybe Thunder Mountain. Thunder Mountain and Matterhorn are fun because they’re fun rollercoasters. Indiana Jones is fun because it’s generally just an awesome experience.”
Characters That Excite Us
JEN
Cruella Deville.
The stepmother from Cinderella. So random. I love villains.
SEAN
“For me, the interesting thing about the characters is that they are acting when no one else is. I can’t think of another time when I’ve experienced that when it’s been just for fun. It spurs this strange philosophical investigation into what characters the rest of us are playing. I really enjoyed seeing them sign their names. I had never seen that before. I’ve been wondering what it means for me to sign my name ever since.”
JULIAN
“I generally like to avoid cosplay characters.”
When we first took Julian when he was three, as we were leaving the park for the last time with him in our arms down Main Street, he cried and reached out and clutched onto a lamppost with both hands, aka what my heart does every time we leave.
