Bugged

Now that springtime is here, I like to open the backdoor and let the kittycat wander in and out. She has a garage door with a pet door she could use but it’s annoying to open and close it every day. Plus, I’m in and out of the backdoor as well, as we are backyard buddies. The problem of course is the flies. They’ve found us.

Flies are such idiots. They sneak in as if it was intentional and then lose their minds trying to get back out. Also, why do they have to buzz? It’s so irritating and difficult for me to ignore.

I actually have a talent for killing flies. I have good hand-eye coordination, quick reflexes, and a healthy thirst for blood when it comes to certain species and when I set out to kill, I usually end up successful.

This morning I was in deep focus and the buzz of the stupid fly was grating on me until I finally stood up and declared its fate of immediate death. I grabbed the fly swatter and, as usual, this thing was flying as if it had lost its mind. Other bugs seem purposeful. Not these dummies. They never know what, where, when or why, then somehow breed, and then they die.

I usually wait for the fly to settle on something and then I strike. But this one wouldn’t. I was in a hurry to get back to it so instead of waiting I opted to take a more dueling stance, tracking it. Poised as if an elegant fencer, I then suddenly wound up my weapon and used it to smack the fly magnificently right out of the air, quieting the confounded cretin. It must have hit the window and fallen or something. I never did find it. I can’t imagine I killed it but I did shut it up, and somehow that felt more satisfying. The idea that I might have humiliated it by slapping it to submission, gave me a strange pleasure and took my killer instinct up a notch. And today may be the first day a fly learned to finally shut its trap, before, one hopes, flying stupidly into one.

this post is idiotic.